Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
