you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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