So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
