I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
