Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
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