You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
