in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
