At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
