He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
