i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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