bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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