"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
