Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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