i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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