I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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