My cat gives me a boner
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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