my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
