I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
