He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
