I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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