So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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