Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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