I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
