the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
