I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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