Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
