Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude. I can hear the air.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
