i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
