Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
