So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
