I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
