Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
