I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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