i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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