Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
