she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
