Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
