I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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