wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
