so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
