pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
