I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
