i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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