Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
