im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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