I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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