wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
