6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
