I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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