look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
