don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
