Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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