You really coming over, don't trick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
